Sex, who knew a three letter word could make life so complicated? When I was a little girl, I thought I would wait until I was married. Well, my intentions were good, but that didn't happen, I was 21. Which in this day and age is pretty darn impressive if I do say so myself. As a virgin I thought of it as the most precious gift you could give someone. I thought it would mean forever. Unfortunately and sometimes fortunately, not everyone thought sex meant forever. Looking back though, my ideas about sex have swayed very little from how I viewed them when I was a little girl. How do you really know when it's the right time to lose your virginity anyway? I think it's different for everyone, perhaps it has something to do with the people who raise you or maybe it's just your own personal belief system that comes into play. Before I lost my virginity, I'll tell you one thing my life was a whole lot easier, and a whole lot less complicated. Sex complicates everything.
Sex is great. The thing that sucks about sex is that once you go there you have to always go "there." At the beginning of a relationship, all you think about is sex 24-7. You want it everyday, sometimes all day. It's almost a validation of how attracted you are to your partner and how "meant to be" the two of you are. Then as you settle into a routine, you start thinking about sex less because you're preoccupied with other things. You settle into the daily grind. Once you've been together a few months you might have sex 3-5 times a week, depending on how much time you spend together. The interesting thing about sex is that when your having it, it's great and when your not something's wrong. Why is it that if you're tired or you just don't want to, your partner will assume something is wrong in the relationship? Is there a status quo on how many times you should be having sex a week in a relationship? Who decides? Let's face it, sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I don't feel good, sometimes I just want to watch TV or read a good book and sometimes I just don't feel like it. Yet, in those times I find myself "taking one for the team" instead of just doing what I really want to do for the sake of saving myself the argument or the questions. Not wanting sex sometimes doesn't have to mean something's wrong. When does sex stop being used as a "gage" to tell how well your relationship is doing?
It's not just men who think a night without sex means something's wrong. A lot of women I know ask the same questions when sex isn't part of the equation. Does it mean he/she's not attracted to me anymore, does it mean their getting it somewhere else? The list goes on and on. I have even been tempted to ask those questions myself. Is it insecurity or is it that we society have trained ourselves to believe that a relationship can only be healthy and good if we are having sex everyday. As the relationship progresses shouldn't the focus switch to becoming better friends, better partners, better communicators, thus in the end, making us better lovers?
I think sex is something so special between two people that it can't be put on a schedule or under time constraints. It's the one thing the two of you share together that no one else has a part of. It's a bond you have with your partner that can't be touched by all the rules of society. Only you and your significant other can decide what's right within your relationship. In the end, if you respect and love yourself and your partner you will do what's right for you and your relationship without worrying about what the sex or lack thereof "means."
Jamie Frontz- Model
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