When two people spend practically every single day together for a long period of time they inevitably become attached to one another. Good or bad, they are companions, lovers, friends and sometimes fighters. I say this because as you spend enough time with someone you learn all the things about them that they may not have wanted you to know in the beginning. Sometimes, these things bring you closer to that person and can make you love them even more and sometimes they make you question what you saw in them in the first place. The question is; is it possible to love someone you don't even like?
Does one become so co-dependant on another that they tolerate things that otherwise would be intolerable? Is having a love that "doesn't fit" better than no love at all? I ask because, I find more and more relationships that seem so unhealthy and yet to the parties involved so addictive. From the outside looking in people wonder what the hell you're thinking staying in a relationship like the one you're in, yet all you can think of is not being without it. Is it love or co-dependency? Passion or destruction? If the quality of your life is in relation to the quality of your partners, your values and ideas often get pushed aside for fear of rejection. When someone's good feelings about themselves are based on the approval of someone else you loose touch with your own emotions. From one minute to the next you don't know what's important to you anymore. You forget that you have your own ideas about the type of relationship that you want.
For me, I look at myself like a puzzle. There are many pieces to that puzzle. Some fit and some don't. I know where some pieces go and others just float around until I know where I want to put them. When you get involved with someone who shifts all your pieces around, after awhile you don't know where you put anything or what goes where.
I have learned it's extremely important to remember that I have complete control over what I choose to believe, feel or interpret.
In the end, I want to find a relationship that builds me up not tears me down. I know that sounds like a given but I learned a lot from this past relationship. It was a series of build ups and tear downs. It often felt like a game of Jenga where we would build and build and get so high and then something would shift and the whole thing would come crashing down. Love is not something that is dependent on every piece of the puzzle being exactly right. Love is about respecting all the pieces whether they fit or not. Love should build you up and hold you up when it feels like everything else is falling down around you. It should be the one stable block at the bottom that provides the foundation for all the blocks of life to build on. For now, I am going to be my own block for which to build. Hopefully, when the time is right, I will find all the pieces to my puzzle.
Jamie Frontz- Model
Who wants to work to love someone they don't like?? Thats outrageous! If they cant find someone who makes them happy then they should take time alone to work on themselves.
All of us should learn to be happy alone before were ready to accept another person into our lives. How else are they to develop their character? I put focused attention to developing myself wherever I see a weakness and I polish my character and develop my sense of self. I think that everybody else should do the same.
Being happy by yourself comes inherently with a well developed character and sense of self. Without maturing to a level where you can be happy alone they will only melt into one scrappy confused person. It would be like Barbie and G.I. Joe left on the hood of a hot car in the summer. I've seen those kinds of relationships where they seem to live for the fight and push eachothers buttons to get it. I had a roomie who's girlfriend would do all kinds of crazy stuff, but he could never say no to her. She would literally wrap herself around his leg and not let go. It was like they where addicted the feeling they got from eachother, from the fight, from the makeup sex. It was like was some kind of confused connection between their passionate excitement for eachother was beeding together into every other part of their lives. They had no sense of themselves as separate from eachother and could not imagine being without the other one. They would tolerate anything because they didn't know how to be happy alone. Being alone was like death for them and drove their addiction to eachother. They where both depressed and had nothing else in their lives that would give them their dopamine/adrenaline/seratonin fix. They where addicted to the one person that could give them a shot of their favorite drug. They need to get a hobby and start taking some anti depressants but its hard for people in that state of mind to accept change. They cant see the pieces of their puzzle with perspective and know wiht any great insight how they fit together. I believe that there are times in life when its necessary to take a step away from any relationship and get far enough back to see everything from a distance, with perspective, and get your bearings. Its like going to the top of a mountain, enjoying the view while meditating on life. When you come back down you will have acheived a higher level of enlightenment with a new perspective on life. The further you get away the more enlightened you become which I'm sure Jamie could attest to in her world travels. Then the puzzle pieces can be seen separately, with perspective, compared to their new sense of self. This brimgs the controll and mastery of self to choose how to put their puzzle pieces together again. In doing so create our own reality by discarding the pices that we don't like and rebuilding with polished shiny pieces that we like about ourselves.
Good luck putting your puzzle together and building your foundation. Maybe you will be lucky enouth to find a travel partner on your path to enlightenment. The right person can be a beacon of positive energy pulling you in the right direction.
Posted by: Chris | November 14, 2008 at 04:20 PM