Relationship Advice From Our Resident Expert, Denise Shannon
Dear Denise,
I’ve been dating “Paul” for 2 months and we are having a lot of fun and get along great. Last week, one of my friends informed me that she saw his picture on a dating site, so I checked and sure enough, he was. He hasn’t been “active” in a couple of weeks but I’m still really troubled that we seem to be progressing as a couple, yet he is listed on a dating site! My friend advises me to just watch and see if he gets on there (this site shows you how long since someone has been active). I’m struggling with that and think it might be better to confront him and find out what is his deal.
Suggestions?
Sara
Dear Sara,
It is very common for people to be listed on a dating website (or two) and then let their membership lapse but forget to remove their profile. Let’s face it, the dating site wants as many “members” showing as possible, so they will not make any effort to remove listings unless they are instructed to do so.
It sounds like you need some resolution to this problem, so do not follow your friends’ advice of waiting to see what Paul does with his profile. If you do this, it will likely cause a lot of anxiety for you and a sense of mistrust in your relationship. You don’t need that!
Please do not “confront” him because it will seem like you are assuming he is guilty of something. Instead, I suggest you talk to Paul about whether or not he has any interest in dating others. This will bring up the discussion of whether or not you two are “exclusive.” Assuming you are exclusive, it will then be a logical step to mention that you think it would be best to de-activate any online dating site profiles. Hopefully this will go smoothly and you may learn that he doesn’t realize the profile is still showing. Whatever the outcome, it sounds like your relationship is to the point where you need some clarity on where things are going.
Best of luck to you.
Denise Shannon
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