Relationship Advice From Our Resident Expert, Denise Shannon
Dear Denise,
My boyfriend will not plan for anything and it is bugging me. We have been together for a couple of months, and at first I thought his spontaneity was fun! But now I realize that he just does things at the last minute or when they absolutely have to be done. For example, we were out the other night and he ran out of gas in his car. It was ridiculous because he has money, but it ruined the evening because we had to spend time getting gas instead of having fun.When we are going out for the evening, and I ask what we are doing, he always says “it will be a surprise” which is true since he doesn’t have a clue what we will do! He won’t make plans in the future (like next month) for a concert or getting together with friends and instead he will say he “hopes” to make it and then usually forgets.
What can I do to get him to act like a normal 25 yr. old? He has a decent job and is able to do it, but it’s like he doesn’t care about other things.
Jessica
Dear Jessica,
You’ve probably already heard this before, but you really can’t change people—only they can change themselves. Unfortunately, it appears that your boyfriend has no interest in planning ahead and will likely not change unless there is some compelling reason to do so. Also, since he is employed and, it appears, able to support himself, he probably sees himself as successful and that may be all he needs.
Good relationships involve compromise, but not at the expense of your sanity. It is possible that you can “help” him get a little better by reminding him to do some basic things such as filling the car with gas, but do you really want a relationship where you are more his mother than his lover?
If you cannot see yourself being happy in this type of arrangement for the long term, then you may want to end things now. It is important to be comfortable with the person you date because that carries into all areas of your life. Being continually annoyed with your boyfriend is a bad sign and only you can change that.
Best of luck to you!
Denise Shannon
Posted by: |