And now an imaginary conversation between Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt about him wanting to spend the holidays in Missouri with his parents.
Brad: Um, hey. My love, my fortune, my dream. Mom says she would really like us to come back home for Christmas.
Angelina: Jesus, this again? I’m not going to that trash box you call your hometown. Last time I thought I would razor blade my elbows if I had to hear your mom talk about her flowerbeds one more time.
Brad: But it is her joy. You can’t stop someone from seizing the radiance that comes with their passion.
Angelina: Um, and where are we going to stay? I can’t sleep on a flowered bedspread in a room filled with Precious Moments figurines. Also, where am I supposed to hang my sex swing? You think our kids are going to be happy in sleeping bags on the basement floor? Guaranteed there is asbestos down there. Plus, not a good idea to have Maddox near a dartboard. Someone will end up in the ER.
Brad: But it is the season of spirit. Mom and dad really like to have all of us together. They would like to see the kids open their presents.
Angelina: Shiloh does not want Hello Kitty leggings or barrettes. Doesn’t she get it?
Brad: What can I tell mom she can get you?
Angelina: No perfume. I don’t want any Dr. Laura books. Please, no more potholders. Just give some money to charity.
Brad: Great, so Missouri it is! Let me tell the nannies so they can tell the kids.
Angelina: Wait, no. That is not what I said!
-Kate Casey
Kate Casey is a Pop Culture Lover. PR Pro. New mom. Comedy nerd. Celebrity gossip fan. Follow her on Twitter
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