In 2005 former Scientologist Anette Iren Johansen claims she was interviewed for the role of Tom Cruise’s wife. Church officials video taped a meeting where she was asked questions about her life, family background, and everything she had ever done in Scientology.” At the time she was told to sign a gagging clause preventing her from speaking about the details of the meeting. You might remember the church also arranged auditions for several Hollywood actresses including Scarlett Johansson before the position was ultimately given to an easy-to-brainwash Holmes.
In 2005 I was still waiting for my husband to propose to me. Since I was technically still single could I have been considered for that role? I mean overlooking the fact that I am not nor have I ever been a Scientologist? Do you think I would have ever been able to make it past the first round of interviews?
Q: Tell us about yourself.
A: I am 28 years old and I am originally from West Chester, Pennsylvania. You may know it as the hometown of the 80s rock band The Hooters. Now I live in
Los Angeles around the corner from the surviving member of Milli Vanilli.
Q: Where is your family?
A: Back east. My stepfather finally just kicked the bucket after claiming for 15 years that he “didn’t have much longer to go”. I was summoned to his hospital room countless times to see him receive last rites only to come home a few days later. So annoying. The last time I saw his full urine bottle sitting on the hospital tray. I never went back.
Q: Where did you go to school?
A: High school? I was shipped away to a boarding school in Hershey for high school. We were forced to do essentially what could be considered slave labor in the middle of farm country. Then I headed to Washington DC to study political science. After interning at the White House and on campaigns I realized I probably wasn’t destined for political office. I probably should have gone with my backup plan to become a Hollywood agent.
Q: Do you go to church?
A: Can I level with you? I went to the Episcopal Church in Beverly Hills the week I moved here and the fact that Mrs. Walsh from Beverly Hills 90210 handed me the offertory plate was a little unsettling. How am I supposed to pray when all I want to do is ask her whether she approved of Shannon Dougherty’s behavior on set or if Tori Spelling ever really auditioned?
Q: What do you think about Tom Cruise?
A: Are we talking Top Gun days? Definitely hot. He lost me after The Last Samurai. His hair was so greasy and the robes? And what in the hell did he do to Nicole Kidman to make her go off the rails?
Q: What do you know about Scientology?
A: Oh, those nut bags? The people who believe sitting in a sauna will get rid of toxins? I don’t do steam rooms. It does a number on my hair. Plus they make you pay for courses. I’d rather spend my money on earrings. Do they celebrate Christmas? What about Columbus Day? Do you have to carry a sword with you at all times?
And then I would be escorted out to a waiting white van that would drop me off alongside the I-5.
- Kate Casey
* Kate Casey is a Pop Culture Lover. PR Pro. Soon-to-be New mom again. Comedy nerd. Celebrity gossip fan. Follow her on Twitter
