Amore Magazine

The glamorous life of Las Vegas' Jamie Frontz. A professional model's perspective on dating, sex, love, relationships and everything in between.

I wonder after 30 years of being me, single, bossy, high maintenance, and independent me.  When will I be at a point in my life where a man can possibly make me happy?  Will I always have this unwavering need to be on my own?  I date, I fall in lust and like and sometimes love but never truly give 100% of myself for fear of losing the part of me that makes me, me. 

I am and always have been a woman who knows what I want.  You could have asked me when I was 3 what I wanted to be when I grew up and you would get the same answer today, now that I’m 30.  I adore my life.  I feel truly blessed to have the life I do.  I don’t have to answer to anyone.  I travel the world mostly on someone else dime, I shop at all the best places, I dine on the finest foods, I drive the best cars money can buy, I live in beautiful homes, I have amazing animals that share in my lifestyle, I’m beautiful, young, intelligent, successful, vivacious and fun.  What more could a 30 something girl want?  Well, frankly, more.  I meet great guys all the time but I have absolutely no resolute desire to settle down.  I still feel like I have so much life left to live, on my own.  There are still so many places yet to be explored and traveled.  Money to be made.  Things to acquire on my own.

Usually I write about relationships with people and the joys and challenges that come along with them.  The thing is, my one true love in my life so far have been my dogs.  Their ever-present loyalty, love, devotion, sacrifice and endless desire to make me happy are qualities only most men can aspire to possess.  So I’m going to get personal and talk about the one love that until now has been the one I couldn’t talk about and the one my heart has yet to heal from losing.

There has never been a man in my life that knew my moods or what I needed at any given time more than my dogs do.  They cry with me when I’m sad, they cuddle me when I just need to be cuddled, they jump up and down with me when I am jumping up and down with excitement and they leave me alone when they know I need that.  Somehow all of my dogs fill a different place in my heart and soul that no other living creature has been able to do consistently.

As some of you may know, I lost one of my dogs last year.  Her name is Gidgit and that Yorkie is truly my angel.   She had a heart of gold and enough spunkiness for all my dogs put together.  Gidgit was such a free spirit and the very thing that drove me nuts was also what I loved the most.  She had so much personality and God, did she love me.  She went everywhere with me even to autograph signings! She was feircly loyal, loved to play fetch (relentlessly sometimes), loved to go for a ride in the car, play dress up with her mommy, loved other dogs and made me laugh out loud every day.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of her and miss her.  I think back to that first week without her and I truly felt as though my heart would never recover.  I guess in a lot of ways it hasn’t.  As I am writing this now tears are streaming down my face and my other three angels are lying next to me all piled on top of each other sleeping, content to just be by my side.  I know now, that without my Lucy and Fonzie I would never have made it through that tough time.  After all, they were the only ones who really knew what I was going through.  They were the ones sleeping in bed with me for days at a time, like me they didn’t get up to eat or go outside or to answer the door.  They just slept next to me. The only thing they could do to comfort me ended up being exactly what I needed from them.  If you have ever loved someone more than you love yourself, to the point that you could ask yourself if you would do anything in the world for them and honestly be able to answer yes, then you will begin to know the kind of love that comes from a dog.  The kind of love that I have for all of mine and they have for me.  I know that for some who have never had the love of a dog my story may be hard to understand but for those who are true dog lovers and truly value what it means to have the love of one, I think they will understand that there is nothing else in the world like it. 

God blessed me with another Yorkie last year named Ginger and I know Gidgit is proud looking down on her, Lucy and Fonzie   Ginger is so much like Gidgit that she makes me laugh every day with her orneriness and antics.  I could never fully describe how each of my dogs effect who I am and who I hope to become because every day is an adventure with three furry kids running along beside me.  I suppose what I really needed to say is that losing Gidgit was one of the hardest times in my life so far yet I wouldn’t have traded the time I was blessed enough to have her in my life for anything in the world.  My heart has not totally healed and I don’t know that it ever will be completely but I do know that remembering her and our special bond is what helps me take it a day at a time and I believe she watches over me and is my angel up above and my other three dogs are my angels here on earth.

So I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus, yes.  What have I been up to you ask?  World domination.  No, mostly traveling and trying to figure out what I want next.  I must say hitting the big 3-0 this year was a tad traumatic. 

Everyone keeps telling me 30’s are the new 20’s and 40’s are the new 30’s and so on but when most of your “identity” has been dependent upon your youth and beauty it’s a bit disheartening when every day you seem to work a little bit harder just to keep everything looking like it did when I was 25.  For example, I have to do an hour of cardio just to maintain what I used to accomplish in just 30 minutes.  I will say, that after having a few months to adjust, I’m feeling fairly optimistic that my identity doesn’t necessarily depend on my youth and beauty, perhaps as much as I once thought it did.  If anything, turning 30 has made me more thoughtful, more compassionate and more confident than I ever felt in my 20’s which in my book, definitely equals sexier. 

Have I found love and eternal happiness with my soul mate yet?  No. However, the more I travel and experience the happier I become with living the life I already live.  I am confident in my belief that I create my own fairytale and I am already living happily ever after!

XOXO,

Jamie Frontz

Amore's own Jamie Frontz  lives in Las Vegas and writes about her personal thoughts on the subjects of life and love while being a model and actress in the City of Sin. She has been featured on billboards and in print ads for such brands as Hard Rock Hotel, Titan Motorcycles, HSV swimwear, Hawaiian Tropics, Hankook Tires, Ace Alloy Wheels, JW Marriott, Hilton and Nitro Fitness Supplements.  Aside, from her print work Jamie has appeared on NBC’s Spy TV as well as numerous other national TV shows and in films such as Rush Hour 2 and Oceans Eleven.

She also owns a tanning salon chain in Southern Nevada. Though she hasn't yet met Mr. Right her three dogs give her plenty of attention & company.

It is true that even the best of us do a bit of self-sabotaging in our lives and relationships.  Most everyone, including myself say that having a healthy, loving relationship is high on our list of priorities.   Yet, it seems that so few of us have a meaningful relationship, at least one that lasts.

The issue for me has not been a lack of men, in my not so humble opinion it's been a lack of quality men.  For most women and myself I know have a long list of "must have" qualities we look for in a partner.  The question is, does such a partner exist?  Will there always be something we have to "accept" about our significant other?   

In this day and age, have we all been so spoiled by our independence that our acceptance of others has fallen by the wayside?  Perhaps.  I often wonder if we set our expectations of others so high so we know no one will ever be able to reach them therefore we will never have to "give up" our independence.  Do we self sabotage our relationships so we don't have to sacrifice anything? 

For instance, I dated a guy last year who was relentless on the issue of me giving him a key to my house.  From my standpoint, we hadn't been dating long enough for me to give him a key.  I don't know that I want someone in my space all the time or especially when I'm not home, at least not until I'm married.  So my question to him was "When will you ever be here when I'm not here?  So why do you need a key?"  To him, I guess it was a security thing for him to "know" that I was fully committed.  Which I was at the time, but I didn't understand the whole key thing.  After all, I wasn't asking him for a key to his house.  It literally became a huge issue for our relationship.  Now, if I had just given in and given him a key would it have solved our problem or added to it?  I have to admit, that while I was in this situation I felt as though no matter what I did to please him it would never be enough, we would always have issues about something.  Is this just a subconscious little voice in my head that leads me towards relationship sabotage?

Usually, during the first couple months both people are on their best behavior.  Instead of something irritating you it's cute.  After a couple months it's completely opposite.  How can something that once turned you on becomes something that makes your skin crawl just a couple months later?  Is this too, relationship sabotage? When you're in a relationship at what point do you know that you should compromise for the better of the relationship when you really feel strongly about something?  For me, at the point of the key conversation we had only been dating a couple months and I felt strongly about the fact that it's my house, I pay my bills.  I do this because it assures me that I don't have to answer to anyone but me.  I am afraid of giving up that power, even if it means giving up a relationship.  Yet, if you were to ask me to write down my top 10 goals for the next 5 years I would have marriage and kids on the list and they would most likely be closer to the top of the list than the bottom.  I talk to my girlfriends or guy friends and many of them have had similar stories.    How far should we go to salvage a relationship or when it's right does it just work and not feel like you're giving up so much? Until next time...

Jamie Frontz- Model

When two people spend practically every single day together for a long period of time they inevitably become attached to one another.  Good or bad, they are companions, lovers, friends and sometimes fighters.   I say this because as you spend enough time with someone you learn all the things about them that they may not have wanted you to know in the beginning. Sometimes, these things bring you closer to that person and can make you love them even more and sometimes they make you question what you saw in them in the first place.  The question is; is it possible to love someone you don't even like?

Does one become so co-dependant on another that they tolerate things that otherwise would be intolerable?  Is having a love that "doesn't fit" better than no love at all?  I ask because, I find more and more relationships that seem so unhealthy and yet to the parties involved so addictive.  From the outside looking in people wonder what the hell you're thinking staying in a relationship like the one you're in, yet all you can think of is not being without it.  Is it love or co-dependency?  Passion or destruction?  If the quality of your life is in relation to the quality of your partners, your values and ideas often get pushed aside for fear of rejection.  When someone's good feelings about themselves are based on the approval of someone else you loose touch with your own emotions.   From one minute to the next you don't know what's important to you anymore.  You forget that you have your own ideas about the type of relationship that you want.

For me, I look at myself like a puzzle.  There are many pieces to that puzzle.  Some fit and some don't.  I know where some pieces go and others just float around until I know where I want to put them.  When you get involved with someone who shifts all your pieces around, after awhile you don't know where you put anything or what goes where.

I have learned it's extremely important to remember that I have complete control over what I choose to believe, feel or interpret. 

In the end, I want to find a relationship that builds me up not tears me down.  I know that sounds like a given but I learned a lot from this past relationship.  It was a series of build ups and tear downs.  It often felt like a game of Jenga where we would build and build and get so high and then something would shift and the whole thing would come crashing down.  Love is not something that is dependent on every piece of the puzzle being exactly right.  Love is about respecting all the pieces whether they fit or not.  Love should build you up and hold you up when it feels like everything else is falling down around you.  It should be the one stable block at the bottom that provides the foundation for all the blocks of life to build on.  For now, I am going to be my own block for which to build.  Hopefully, when the time is right, I will find all the pieces to my puzzle.

Jamie Frontz- Model

Sex, who knew a three letter word could make life so complicated?  When I was a little girl, I thought I would wait until I was married.  Well, my intentions were good, but that didn't happen, I was 21.  Which in this day and age is pretty darn impressive if I do say so myself.  As a virgin I thought of it as the most precious gift you could give someone.  I thought it would mean forever.  Unfortunately and sometimes fortunately,  not everyone thought sex meant forever.  Looking back though, my ideas about sex have swayed very little from how I viewed them when I was a little girl.   How do you really know when it's the right time to lose your virginity anyway?  I think it's different for everyone, perhaps it has something to do with the people who raise you or maybe it's just your own personal belief system that comes into play.  Before I lost my virginity, I'll tell you one thing my life was a whole lot easier, and a whole lot less complicated.  Sex complicates everything. 

Sex is great.  The thing that sucks about sex is that once you go there you have to always go "there."  At the beginning of a relationship, all you think about is sex 24-7.  You want it everyday, sometimes all day. It's almost a validation of how attracted you are to your partner and how "meant to be" the two of you are.  Then as you settle into a routine, you start thinking about sex less because you're preoccupied with other things.  You settle into the daily grind.  Once you've been together a few months you might have sex 3-5 times a week, depending on how much time you spend together.  The interesting thing about sex is that when your having it, it's great and when your not something's wrong.  Why is it that if you're tired or you just don't want to, your partner will assume something is wrong in the relationship?  Is there a status quo on how many times you should be having sex a week in a relationship?  Who decides?  Let's face it, sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I don't feel good, sometimes I just want to watch TV or read a good book and sometimes I just don't feel like it.  Yet, in those times I find myself "taking one for the team" instead of just doing what I really want to do for the sake of saving myself the argument or the questions.   Not wanting sex sometimes doesn't have to mean something's wrong.   When does sex stop being used as a "gage" to tell how well your relationship is doing?   

It's not just men who think a night without sex means something's wrong.  A lot of women I know ask the same questions when sex isn't part of the equation.  Does it mean he/she's not attracted to me anymore, does it mean their getting it somewhere else? The list goes on and on.  I have even been tempted to ask those questions myself.  Is it insecurity or is it that we society have trained ourselves to believe that a relationship can only be healthy and good if we are having sex everyday.  As the relationship progresses shouldn't the focus switch to becoming better friends, better partners, better communicators, thus in the end, making us better lovers? 

I think sex is something so special between two people that it can't be put on a schedule or under time constraints.  It's the one thing the two of you share together that no one else has a part of.  It's a bond you have with your partner that can't be touched by all the rules of society.  Only you and your significant other can decide what's right within your relationship.  In the end, if you respect and love yourself and your partner you will do what's right for you and your relationship without worrying about what the sex or lack thereof "means."

Jamie Frontz- Model

In this complicated world sometimes it seems that without that special someone life will never be what you hoped for.  The day seems longer; the sky seems less blue, the grass less green.  Then all of a sudden, "Wham" You get hit by cupid's arrow. You lock eyes with them from across the room and suddenly your entire life changes in that instant.

My life has changed.  From the minute I saw him I knew this was going to be different than anything else I had ever experienced before.  What I didn't know was how much harder I would have to work at something I always thought would come so easily.  Love is not easy.  Love is hard work.  Much like your career, you have to constantly perfect your craft, work hard, learn from your mistakes, love what your striving to accomplish more than your ego, and the hardest one of all for me, is learning to compromise.

      In all the relationships I have had I have never considered the word compromise let alone what it took to actually make one.  Finding love has taught me so much about my self and how much I have yet to learn.  Walking the fine line between maintaining my independence and finding a middle ground is something that never occurred to me until now.  Combining my stubbornness with someone equally as stubborn can spell trouble.  The only way is to find some middle ground, meet there, and try to work out a compromise.  Sometimes, the very thing that attracts you to someone is the very thing that creates so much chaos.  In four months I have never been so attracted to someone and so pissed at someone at the same time.  It's enough to make you crazy.  I know that it's a process.  Finding love doesn't mean all your questions are answered or that everyday is going to be rainbows from here on out.  I think it means that you have found someone who makes answering those questions a little easier because you have someone on your side, and in life and love sometimes you have to put up with the rain before you can experience the rainbow.  There will always be things we don't agree on, but in the big picture it's just not that important. 

      In the past four months I have truly come to know and feel true love.  We have ups and downs and everything in between but the one thing that remains constant is love.  So learning to compromise isn't going to be easy, but I know it will be worth it. When we are together the days really do seem shorter, the sky does seem bluer, and the grass is definitely greener.   Life is somehow easier because I have found someone to share it with.

Jamie Frontz- Model