Amore Magazine

Relationship Advice From Our Resident Expert, Denise Shannon

Dear Denise,

My girlfriend and I are having a problem over the way I spend my money.  Just to be clear, we do not live together and have only been dating for a couple of months.  “Julie” keeps getting on to me about why I am “wasting my money” on video games or movies or upgrading my electronics.  It’s not like I don’t treat her nicely and I do take her out, but I work hard and want to enjoy myself. 

I’ve told her several times that I don’t think it is her business and that I don’t tell her not to buy a million pair of shoes and clothing.  The money she spends on her hair is crazy, but I don’t say anything because it is her business.  Any ideas?  I like Julie but I also don’t want to date my mother!

Arnie

Dear Arnie,

Money- and its use- are frequent sources of problems for relationships.  This is especially true when two people have different values regarding money and how to spend it.  However, from what you describe it seems that money is not really the primary issue.  Instead the real problem is that Julie wants to tell you how to run your life—as you point out, it feels like you are dating your mother!  

After a couple of months of dating, I don’t believe either of you should be imposing your spending habits on one another unless the other person is asking for that advice.  It is important to have similar attitudes toward spending, but also to be able to live within your means. 

If you also see this as a sign of a deeper problem, you may need to decide whether or not to continue with the relationship.   This should be the “fun” phase of dating and if it is stressful or difficult, you may not have a lot to look forward to.  The other option is to continue dating and talk with her about how uncomfortable her comments make you feel.  If she can cut back or stop imposing her values on you, then there is a starting point to go forward.  But again, I think this issue is less about money and more about control, so it will not be solved overnight.

Best of luck to you!

Denise Shannon